Mar. 07, 2002 :: 1:31 am

i'm ecstatic...

:Music: dZihan & Kamien - Homebase (simply beautiful song)

Today started out hellishly, i woke up not wanting to get out of bed. I seriously thought that Joby didn't want me to come out there anymore. Luckily his sister talked some sense into him and said he was being too harsh on me. Wow lucky me, i need to call her and thank her. I dunno what I would do without her and I still haven't met her yet. I will before I go though, there is so much to do now.

Well on with my point of this entry is that I was right on point. Joby told me he loved me today :D I'm so freakin' happy I don't know what to do with myself. I want to run around and dance and sing loudly...but it's late and people are sleeping...but i'm so happy! It was so great...I don't know how to explain it. I'll start with the phone call. Joby told me that his friend Nadine kept making fun of him saying, "You're in love..." so he was naturally fighting it, like he does, but he admitted to me that she was probably right. But he never came out and said it...

Then he sent me this email, "I want to fall in love, it’s everyones dream I know.....it would be beautiful that I fall in love with you.....You have to be open with everything with me from the simplest mundane events to you darkest skeletons, Of course I the same....when that knowledge is able to be shared is when two people are becoming one. Of course there is a lot more to the recipe, hell Love is one of the most common subject in every art or form of expression known to man, God comes in a whopping second. After countless centuries of artists trying to explain it it is still incomplete for the one reason It’s different for everyone....ours has the potential to be a relationship that is the jealousy of all that surrounds us. Often when a relationship is really good it can have a sort of shockwave effect on the very friends in your circle...causing other realtionships to form, often in attempt to duplicate the positive energy radiated from the warmth the good couple projects. Kinda like the old saying “smiles are contagious”. You could change a strangers entire day just by smiling when you pass by. Imagine what you could do if you give off the “love vibe” to other potential soulmates.....food for thought.....have a good night I’ll be up for a while if you want to write back....."

So I responded with, "wow i don't know what to say to that except i agree. ok here it is: i am hopelessly in love with you, at least to the best of my knowledge. i knew it before you left. but i didn't want to get hurt even more so i kept it to myself. i guess i wanted to wait to tell you until i got there but i can't keep it to myself anymore. i mean everyone else knows ;) so now you do too. there i said it. :P xoxo,me"

Then he wrote back and told me to call him, I did but I was so nervous it took me 10 minutes to dig up the nerve to do it. Man, I was shaking almost. But the whole time I had this huge smile on my face, still do :D Now I just have to get my ass out there...which means I need to get serious about work and everything. So i should go to bed soon, but I wanted to write it all down!

Joby loves me...nananana. It felt so fucking good to hear him say it finally, i keep repeating it over and over in my head. He said it felt really weird to say it. Which it did, but really good too. He gave me his heart and he's trusting me not to break it, and I don't want too either. I think this could be it this time, I really have a good feeling about this one.

I've had a rash of bad relationships, but they've always been with some bad guy I chose out of desperation, but I didn't realize it at the time. I think this one is truly different, he's not like anyone I've ever dated, plus I wasn't looking for it when it came to me. That's always when you know you've found it, when you're not looking. I really think I have it this time,

I was dating around for about 8 months, until I met Joby. He was the one that I wanted to be with and I didn't know it at the start, until after we got to know eachother better. It was funny because at first I wasn't even really serious about it, I thought, oh cool we can have some fun together, go see some shows or something. I didn't think I wanted to date him really at first, not until after one or two dates. Honestly he's the odlest guy I've ever dated, he's 30, i'm 21, 9 yrs difference, but I can't seem to tell. It doesn't feel any different to me. He acts alot younger than he is, it's his personality, he acts like a big kid sometimes, but can be serious and responsible at the same time, and that's what I love about him. One of the many, many things. I could go on all night but I need to get some rest.

<3,

Shuga

passe :: chic